Blood, sweat and tears...

My prayer:
You were on the cross. When I was looking for you, you were on the cross. When I wondered if you were still with me, you were on the cross paying for my sin. Paying the debt I owe and cannot pay. God, one sacrifice that covered all of us. Every person ever born or ever will be born is covered by that one sacrifice as long as they call you Lord of their life. Sometimes those simple truths that I have known my whole life take on a whole new level of meaning.

Thank you for all that you said last night. I am beginning to understand it better. I am not quite there yet, but I am closer than I was. Thank you for your patience and willingness to hear me out and to try to help me to understand.

You are not a stranger to pain, torture, betrayal, abuse or death. Every terrible thing that I have experienced, you have experienced. If preventing those horrible things was the best thing to do, you surely would have prevented experiencing them yourself. But you actually chose to go through it all. You chose to be betrayed, beaten, humiliated and killed. You knew that the benefit, the possibility for salvation of every person, was worth the pain. You were big enough to see that the outcome justified the need to go through it all. It was worth it to you because of your love for us. You would go through anything to save us. You choose to go through it all because of your love for us.

Before I worry too much more about why you didn't take me out of my abusive situation, before I worry too much about the other suffering I see, I think I need to spend some time thinking about the abuse and death that you chose to go through just for me. Would I make the same choice if I was given it? If I knew that going through all that I went through was the only way to help someone else, would I have chosen to go through it? I don't know, but it does help to know that you will always use those struggles, battles, abuse to help someone else. It does help to know you never waste a hurt.

I remember when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested. He asked a few times that "this cup be taken" from him, but always followed up with "Your will be done." He prayed so hard that he sweat blood. I prayed pretty hard as a little girl, but I never sweat blood! Your answer to Jesus prayer was not to take away the coming torture and death but to send angels to help him. As I look back, that is what you did for me. You didn't take me out of the situation but sent people and angels to help me through it. Not that I am comparing my struggle to Jesus' torture, that would be ridiculous, but our prayers and the outcome of the prayers were similar. So, I got the same result, the same help that you gave to your only begotten son...You say that I have first son rights...I think this is the first time that I really have an example of that in my life! God you are cool.

I love you so much God. Thank you for all that you are showing and teaching me. I pray God that tomorrow's services throughout the world are blessed and on fire with your Holy Spirit. I pray our worship blesses you!

What God said tonight:
I don't have much to say tonight. Like David, you encouraged yourself tonight! Your openness to this process is so good and refreshing. I am so glad that we are finally taking care of this. It has been a wall between us for too long.

Your life is blessed and a blessing. You will be amazed at what is to come. Your future is great and you will look back on these times with fondness, as a beginning. Do not disparage small beginnings. They can be the most beautiful things in the world.

You are a blessed daughter of the most high God and you will never want for anything. You will have everything that I have promised you. You will have great joy in your life. You will have every need met. You will have my love evident in you every moment of every day of your life.

Your family is blessed, your friends are blessed, your animals are blessed. You are blessed coming in and going out. You are blessed in the city and blessed in the country . You will conquer every place and every situation that you are in because the victorious God lives in you. I will be your victory, your help and your strength.

Your love for me is precious. Your worship is a sweet fragrance to me. Your faithfulness is a testimony of your love for me. I love you with everything that I am, now and forever. Good night my dear.