God or the pizza...

My prayer:
Ok, God, I wasn't going to put this on the blog but when I started to talk to you about it, I felt like you said don't pull any punches on the blog. So, here I am and I am frustrated and angry tonight. I am trying to have a better attitude, but fact is, I believe you told me some things that were going to happen by a certain time and unless it happens in the next 12 hours, which it could, it isn't happening.

This happened once before when I believed you gave me a very specific word on something to happen by a certain time and it didn't. It was a huge blow to my faith. Not my faith in you really but in my faith in my ability to accurately hear from you. That is the thing that is really bothering me. Yes, I want what you said I could have but more so, I want to be sure I am hearing you accurately, especially since we are sharing this with so many people now. Now, if I don't hear you correctly, it doesn't just effect me.

So, I guess I am also a little scared. I need to understand this better. I need to know, did I hear you wrong. As Pastor Mark says, "Sometimes it's God and sometimes it's the pizza." So, was it the pizza? Was it just that I wanted this so much that my own desire for it made me think that it was you? Or, is it going to happen between now and 9AM tomorrow? Or, is it still going to happen but I got the timing wrong? I need some help on this one.

I thank you that you are all knowing. I recognize that you are not a man that you would lie. I believe that your word is truth. I believe that you are my saviour, Lord and God and that you provide everything that I need. Right now I need wisdom and understanding. In your word you have said if we lack wisdom we should ask and you will give it to us. So, I am asking God, give me wisdom.

What God said tonight:
Isn't it funny that after all of this time, after all we have been through, after all that I have shown you, you still doubt? I don't mean that as a criticism, it is just a common truth. There is something in people, in my children that no matter how amazing our time together is, something will always come to give you doubt.

Do you remember Elijah? Mighty prophet. He and I did some really amazing things together and yet you know that he would fall into deep depression and ask me to kill him.

No matter how much you see, how much you experience, you always need more. Ok, so here is the more, whether this thing happens tonight or not, am I still Lord of your life? Whether it happens or not, will you change how you see me and interact with me? Will it change our relationship? Will you trust me less? You may be more careful about discerning my voice, but is that a bad thing? No, it's a good thing because it brings you closer to me.

This thing that you want, it's here. You don't see it but it's here. You will look back on this time and laugh one day. It will all make sense in hindsight. Remember I told you that a time was coming that it would seem like it was all falling apart and that you would have to trust me in that time? Well, that time is here. You must trust me or you will drive yourself crazy.

Get back to that place of rest and trust and peace. Anything else is just going to make you crazy. I WILL GUIDE YOU ALWAYS. You have that on a big picture in your office, you look at it every day but I will also remind you if I need to.

I love you so much. Get this stuff off of your chest so we can deal with it. Don't ever let it build up. We can't afford to have anger, resentment, fear between us. We have to remain in continual covenant relationship, trusting and relying on each other to accomplish what comes next. Don't take this as criticism my daughter, but take it in the love and overwhelming care that I have for you. Tomorrow, in and of itself doesn't matter. What you do with it does.