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The History: A couple of years ago, I started journaling my prayers and God's responses to them. I told my friends about this, they were really interested. I told my Pastor about it and he said, how about sharing those on line. When I asked God, He said, my words are for you, but not just for you. And, here we are...I hope He speaks to you in these words.

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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Not good enough...

My Prayer:
Awesome Father. I am kind of lost in my own thoughts tonight. Today was wonderful. Thank you for giving me a rest day. I really needed it. This week was a bit tough. 

But now, having gotten rested, I have so many thoughts going through my head. I am trying to focus on the things that really matter. So much of what is running through my head doesn't matter. It is stuff I barely care about and I know it is stuff that you don't care about. And, if I know that you don't care about it, why do I care about it at all? 

God, sometimes, like now, when I look at myself, all I see are the flaws, the spots. All I can see is where I fall short. All I can see is the things I didn't do or the the things I didn't do right. 

I worry at times that this is the real picture of me.  That this is how other people see me. That people only see me as a messed up screw up. I worry that I have hurt people that I don't even realize I have hurt.  I worry that I am blind to my areas for improvement.  I sure am using that worry word a lot tonight. 

God, to sum it all up, I worry that I am not good enough and that I am a poor reflection of you. You want me to show people how amazing it is to live with you and I am trying, but sometimes I worry that what they see is me messing things up instead of seeing how amazing you are. 

God, I know that you tell me I am the head and not the tail, I am above and not beneath and I am a royal priesthood.  And, I know that through Christ, I am all of those things, at least in the spiritual realm.  But in the day to day, when I go to work, when I hang out with friends, when I go to the grocery store, what do they see? Am I the reflection you want me to be or am I still too much of a mess dealing with my own stuff? 

Dear God, make me a blessing to everyone around me.  Don't let me mess up anyone else's life because I am still dealing with my stuff. Please make it all right. I love you Father!

What God Said Tonight:
Interesting prayer tonight daughter. I thought we were through this. Someone has been beating up on you good. He has no right you know. He has no right to accuse you. He has no right to even talk to you. You are my daughter, bought and paid for, and satan has no place in your life or in your thoughts. 

You are all of the things you knew I would say that you are and more. I cannot let you talk badly about my precious daughter. You are my heart being shown to the world. If you think that is ugly, than you think I am ugly. I am reflected in you, in every word and in every action I am reflected through you and that is beautiful. 

You are living under some false beliefs tonight. You are listening to lies. I know that you know what those lies sound like and who lies to you. He has done it so many times in your past. You know his voice. Don't listen to it. Don't listen to the lies. 

Do you have areas to work on, you bet and we will always be working on areas to make you the best reflection of me that you can be. But, like with your own child, they are not less precious and amazing just because they don't know how to ride a bike yet.  They will learn and that will  be great when they do. But, until they do, it doesn't make them less wonderful. 

You are the best you that you can be for what you know today. Tomorrow, you will know more and you will be an even better you. As long as you remain open and teachable, we will never have an issue around this. 

I love you right where you are. I will love you tomorrow. I will love when you learn to "ride a bike" and I will love when you haven't yet learned. I will tell you right now that you are precious and that you are the reflection I need you to be. Be real, be transparent, and people will see this life we have together and that will be more powerful and attractive than you can imagine. It is beautiful, you are beautiful, and we are beautiful together. I love you so much. Renew yourself in that love tonight.

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