My God, this is the best part of my day so far, spending time with you. How do I tell you what you mean to me? I don't have the words. I don't think the words exist. I am glad you know my heart because my ability to express how much you mean to me is so lacking.
Sometimes I get it messed up. I get wrapped up in my own stuff, or someone else's stuff, or someone, or something and I lose my focus. We have a question from last week's small group Bible study and Pastor Joe talked about it on Sunday. What are my idols? What are those things that get in between me and you? What are those things I think about when my mind is idle. Why do I allow any idols in my life. Why do I allow anything to get between you and me? I don't have answers, but I know I do allow it. Then I end up feeling lost, alone and I get confused.
The good news is you always bring me back. You always find a way to get my attention again. I was ready to start tonight's prayer blog with the commitment you asked for last night, but maybe, until I can truly let go of anything that gets between you and me, I am not ready? God, I do not doubt that you will be in my life forever. I don't doubt that you will never leave me. But will I never try to leave you? The part that really got me was when you talked about never forgetting the miracle you are in my life. I want that to be true but I know that I haven't been able to accomplish that so far in my life. You know I can get complacent. You know that I sometimes forget the amazing privilege of being your daughter. Eventually, something happens, or someone says something, and I realize that I have allowed myself to get distracted again. That's when I turn back and do all I know to seek you again. So, I know that I can commit to that. I can commit to always coming back. I want to commit to never turning away...but I don't know if I can. Can I commit to something I have never been able to accomplish in the past?
God I need your help.
What God said tonight:
Sweet daughter of mine. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for truly thinking about the commitment.
It is true that you have never been able to do this before. If you were able to do it before, I wouldn't need you to commit to it now. It would already be in place. When you make a commitment for the first time, it is always a new thing.
I am glad that you asked for my help. I can help you keep the commitment if you want me to. I can help you have the strength and the focus to not get distracted. I can do all of it if you want me to. I want a true covenant with you. It is a binding contract. With it there is safety, protection and privilege. To be in covenant takes commitment from both of us.
Commitment is hard for you. There have not been a lot of positive constants in your life so far. But remember my promises. Remember your commitment to your mom and others in your life now that you are healed from the past pain. You can do this. It won't be as hard as you think. Leave your doubt and insecurity behind. It does not serve you well. It is hindering your progress. Lean on my strength.
Please don't ever be alone again. Don't try to it on your own. It doesn't work.
Keep seeking for your answer. When you decide, I will be here. Your love is so beautiful and is only barely a dim reflection of my love for you.