Holes...

My prayer:
Amazing God. Your love, your patience, your mercy, your grace, your guidance, did I mention your love, is so amazing. I am reminded again today that while I am unworthy, you still love me. While I continue to make a mess of things and forget what is most important, you still love me and wait for me to figure it out and come back. I started today with messed up priorities and the whole day has been a bit off. Not bad, just off.

I love you Father. The song I am listening to while I pray/type to you is saying "rest in the father." I thank you for being my place of rest. I thank you for being my strength and my peace. I thank you that no matter how often I get it wrong, you are always right and you are always waiting for me. Thank you for never changing God. Thank you for being in the same place the first time as the third time. I love you so much.

What God said tonight:
Sweet daughter, you are in the right place. You are with me so how could that not be right. You are too hard on yourself. You don't always have to get everything right. My grace and mercy exist for a reason. I can teach you as much or more through the mistakes you make as I can through the successes.

I love all of you. I love the perfect and the imperfect in you. You are beautiful in your imperfectness. I can't use the perfect. I need something that I can fill in the holes so that the world sees me and not you. I need you to be just as you are. I need you to accept me as the one who makes you whole and complete. Let me fill your holes, your cracks and all of the empty places. When we are done, they will see more of me than you and then you will see things move, change and make a difference.

Let me be perfect in your imperfect life. Let me fill you daughter. My heart is full for you tonight. I am overflowing with love for you. receive my love, let it flow over you and fill the holes. Your "holiness" makes you ripe for my purpose.

Sanctified...

My prayer:
God you are awesome. What another amazing day! A little work, a little fun, dinner with a great friend and great worship. That guy's voice tonight was amazing. I pray that he continues to let you use him for your glory.

I love great, intense worship. I love when we get to that corporate place of worship and love for you where anything can happen. I love when I get to the place where I lose track of everything and everyone around me, where it is just me and you in intimate relationship.

It is kind of like what these nightly meetings are like with you, although these are more casual usually. But that same intimacy and closeness. Funny, not too long ago, intimacy of any kind scared the beegeebees out of me. Now, I can't wait to get to that place with you. I can't wait for those moments with my friends. Those times when we push aside the superficial and really connect. I love that. I guess that is the proof that I was made to love and be loved. I regret the years that I missed it by pushing you and people away.

God cover me in your blood and wash me clean. Make me clean so I can stay in your presence. God, I never want to be away from you again. I never want to close myself off to you again. I cannot imagine living a moment without you. I thank you for the eternity that we have to be together. I am yours God, totally and without reservation.

What God said tonight:
It is about time to come clean in Christ. You are being sanctified for my purpose in your life is upon you. You are being set aside for the work that I have for you. This is about you and me and the work that we have to do. You must be sanctified for the work or satan will take you out. You must be clean, set aside and ordained to do this work.

Your ordination is from me, just as your salvation is from me. We are about to do a great work You have been faithful in the little things and you are about to be given much. You have been waiting and I am here now. You have been hopeful and I am hope fulfilled. You have been trusting and I am here to show you that your trust is not in vain.

I love you. You will accomplish all that I have for you and maybe even more. You tend toward being an overachiever sometimes you know. I rest knowing that everything is in place. Wait on me and renew your strength. Each day has just enough for that day. Trust me every day. Seek me every day. Love me every day. Remember me and my promises every day.

You are growing at and exponential rate because I need you to. The time is so very short. We don't have a lot of time left on earth. We have an eternity together, but there are so many of your brothers and sisters that I want to come with us and they are not yet ready. Keep typing, keep ministering, keep mentoring, keep loving and I will bring them in, just invite them to stay. Invite them into this everlasting life with you and me. I love you peanut. Stay blessed!

Gifts...

My prayer:
FANTASTIC day God! Thank you for your favor!! The presentation went so well and opened a lot of doors. You are so awesome! God I love using the gifts you put in me. It just feels so right and everything goes so smoothly and easy.

I am so tired tonight but I don't want this day to end. I want to just enjoy it some more but I can't keep my eyes open. Literally, as I type with my eyes closed now :). I love you God! What's next?

What God said tonight:
My girl, we have a lot of "nexts." We have just begun. Take the time to enjoy this time and remember it for the times when nothing seems to be going right. The good times are good at the time but they are also meant to be remembered to encourage in the rough times. Remember the blessing of today to lift you tomorrow. It will help even out the roller coaster, the highs and lows.

Ok, wake up. We are not done yet tonight. It is still waiting for the complete fulfillment. There are pieces that will fall into place in the next days, weeks and months that will make it all clear, including the timing. You have been asking why you have had to wait "'so long" for these things and you have some beginnings of understanding but it is all going to be crystal clear soon. You don't have to wait on it much longer. The time is here and it has already begun, whether you realize it or not.

Rest with me tonight my dear. You have more to do tomorrow and need to rest. I am going to wrap my arms around you so you can dwell in safety and know that I am God. Rest your head on my shoulder and nestle in. Rest in me and gain your strength for another day. Accept my love, my strength, my peace and my care for you that you can have and be all that I need you to be. You are my bride, you are a royal priesthood and you have the first son rights of inheritance.

Your gifts are just tools to use for my kingdom. Your boast is not in the gift but in me who gave it to you. You will not "waste" it on non-Kingdom work much longer. You know that even that is not a waste though. You are my light in every situation. People know you are mine wherever you go and that makes me smile.

I love you with a white hot intensity and gentle tenderness that cannot be described but only experienced. I love you with all that I am my girl. You are mine and I am yours. I don't want to say good night but I see I am losing you to sleep. Rest and trust and love my dear. You are loved, adored and deeply cared for by many. Rest in our love my girl.

Peace be still...

My prayer:
Mighty God. Wow God, thanks again for an amazing small group. Thanks for reminding me through the fantastic women in the group what is really important, again. Connecting with people, sharing this amazing and sometimes really hard thing called life, that makes it all worthwhile.

I think I am starting to realize that the times I get discouraged are the times when I am less connected with people. When I get too busy, when I get too focused on getting stuff done, those are the times that I don't pay enough attention to the people in my life and begin to feel that life is not really worthwhile.

I think that is part of where I was at last night and I think that was part of what you were trying to point out when you said to share you with people, connect with people and watch the mundane become exciting.

Forgive me God for when you have to teach me things more than once. I wish I was a better student and you could tell me once and I could just start living it. I don't know if I will ever get there but I promise to try to learn faster. I don't want you to have to keep repeating yourself. I am guessing you have better things to do.

I love you God. I love how you work in my life. I love how you bless us God. I love how you take care of us. I ask for favor with the presentations tomorrow God. I pray for your timing and your will to be accomplished. I continue to lift up the prayer requests that you heard in small group tonight. I stand in agreement with my sisters for healing, favor, provision and strength. You are the great and awesome Most High God and I adore you.

What God said tonight:
My sweet girl. You are more at peace tonight and that is good. I can see that you have been really trying to reason things out today. That is ok, but also remember to trust me to have the answers. Remember that you don't always have to figure it out. I will lead and guide you always.

You learn fast enough. It is not really even about that. All I care about is that you keep learning, you keep listening, you keep trying. That is all I need from you, keep trying.

There is a sense of peace with you right now that is beautiful. I love these times where your mind and heart are quiet. I almost don't want to speak too much when you are like this. I want to just be in the peace with you. Your spirit is quiet and your mind at peace. You can keep this peace with you throughout the day if you want to. Remember the word, "Peace, be still" and use it tomorrow. You will be surprised at the power of my word.

Your presentation tomorrow will be interesting and will provide opportunities that you cannot see yet. I am and will be with you. The favor of the Lord is on you sweet girl. Walk in the assurance of my favor. Wait until you see. I am so excited for you! I love you dear. It's almost here.

Appreciate today...

My prayer:
Mighty God, Lord of my life, how are you tonight? What is on your mind? What do you want to say? How was your day? I am pretty sure the answer to any one of those questions is a lot more interesting than anything I have to say after this day. I love you and can't wait to listen to you.

What God said tonight:
Why so down tonight daughter? You don't need to be discouraged. You don't need to worry about the timing of what is about to happen. I promise I am still in charge. I promise it is all on track.

Tonight is a great place for jumping off into the future. Tonight is a great time to step into the new. I love doing a new thing. Life is, or can be so exciting if you just pay attention.

You think you are stuck in the mundane again because you had one day where the only miraculous thing that happened is that you lived through it. Well, that is a miracle. Many did not. Many are here with me in heaven tonight because they didn't make it through this day. And, worse, many people died and are separate from me tonight. They are suffering and there is nothing I can do for them. There is no greater soul wrenching, gut twisting, horrifying feeling than to see my children forever separated from me and suffering. I cannot describe the pain it causes me.

It makes me more determined to offer every person the chance to make the choice for me. I need to be sure every person has a real choice and an opportunity to make it.

When you have a day like today, where it all feels routine and boring, take the time to share me with at least one person who may never have heard of me. Take the time to ask that person if they want to make a choice to be with me for the rest of eternity. Take the time to make sure every person in your circle has that choice and knows the importance of it. It will turn the mundane and boring into meaningful excitement. And, if nothing else, it will make me happy and that should be worth it.

I love you my dear. Today is another step on the journey that is your life. Today is another step closer to the destiny I have shown you. Do not despise today, it is worthwhile and worthy of appreciation. Rest and prepare for another worthy day tomorrow.

Talking with God...

My prayer:
Wow God, day 41 of this blog. I am awfully grateful that you have something to say every night. If I think too much about it, I start feeling pressure and get myself convinced that I will have nothing to say. But then, I just sit down with you and my heart starts to talk to you and better yet, you talk to me.


What an amazing thing. Why would you, the Most High God, King of Everything, Ruler of the Universe, Creator of everything that ever was or is or will be, want to talk to me? Why would you let me talk to you? I am eternally grateful that you do. I need you too much everyday to have lived in the times before Jesus sacrificed for us when people had to go through the priest to talk to you. I would have to move in with the priest I think!


But, logically, it makes a lot more sense that you would talk to a priest than it does that you would talk to me or any of the other everyday people that you talk to all the time. The privilege that I gained when Christ died for me is so much richer and deeper than "I get to go to heaven", although, thank you very much for that! I look forward to living with you in heaven some day. But you also gave me privilege in that sacrifice that defies common sense. And yet, I can't imagine life without it.


Thank you God for the privilege of talking to you and hearing from you. You are my rock, my peace and my guide. Guide me everyday into what you want for my life. I love you so very much.



What God said tonight:
Sweet girl, I love that you stop to think about and recognize that our relationship is special, meaningful and more important that even you realize. I love that you stop to think about this stuff.

My love for you is never ending. That is why I had to make a way for you to talk directly to me and me to talk directly to you. I couldn't stand to be parted from you for one more minute. I had to provide a way for us to be in direct relationship.

I was grateful for the priests who served me and kept my laws to provide a way until my Son could come and be the sacrifice, but nothing replaces one on one time together. I ached to be with you, not separated by a mediator. I longed to be with my children.

I count it as precious and beyond all worth when you come to spend time with me. I appreciate when you come to me with your needs. I love that you recognize me as our provider and father and in that you come to me when you need help. But even more, when you come to me for no other reason than to be with me...that is so special. That makes a way for us to be close on a whole new level. That makes a way for me to be able to show you my full love for you, no holds barred.

Let me pour out my love on you every day. Think of these times together when the world seems to be against you and know that I am with you. I love you.

Looking for love...

My prayer:
God, as you know, I have a lot of questions running through my head tonight. I will work really hard for this not to turn into a whining session, but you said last night if I wanted to hear what you have to say on something specific, I should ask. Then, Pastor Joe preached the same thing today, so I am going to be specific.

Why, since we were made to love you and love each other, are we so bad at it? Why do we seem to hurt each other more than love each other? Especially between men and women, why is it so hard to just tell somebody, hey, you are important to me and I care about you? Why is that we are all looking for love and so few of us find it, at least a lasting love?

Why are there so many divorces? How do we get from, "you are the love of my life" and a surprise proposal picnic at the top of a mountain, to "I hate you and can't stand to look at you anymore and I will fight you for custody of the kids?" How do we get from "I love you" to "don't make me hit you again"?

Is there a way out of this cycle other than being single forever? Is there a way to truly love each other forever? I just don't know. I want it to be possible but evidence is not supporting it. God, I want a marriage where the three of us work in tandem. God I want a husband who loves me like you do. Is this even possible? More specifically, is it possible for me?

I love you so much and if that is the love I'm meant to have for the rest of my life, just you, it is enough. But, if I can have the Godly marriage with you first, us working for your Kingdom together and holding hands on the front porch when were 80, I want that too. God I pray that you hear me tonight and help me to understand. Love you.

What God said tonight:
Thank you daughter for making it plain. You have had these questions percolating for awhile now and it is a relief to have you finally ask me. The answers are not easy and straightforward. With people, they seldom are. I will try to explain as best as I can.

You were made for love and to love and to be loved. The original plan, as you know, got temporarily sidetracked. Your purpose for being loved and for loving will be restored one day. They remain the core of who you are. In the meantime, you are in a daily battle to love and be loved. In the meantime, you have to trust me for the strength and help to love even when it is hard.

Now, when it comes to romantic love, love between a man and woman, a husband and wife, that is a special kind of love. It is the love most reflective of my love for you other than a father's love for his child. That is why it has been so hard for you to understand that kind of love. You have already been twisted up about the love of a father and romantic love due to the abuse from your father. So, when I say that the love between a husband and wife is like my love for you just as much as the love of a father for a daughter is reflective of my love for you, you cringe a little. It reminds you of the lack of boundaries between your natural father and you.

With me, you know, it is different. My love for you is pure and holy. I would never hurt you or put you in danger My love for you is all encompassing. I will care for you forever. I will provide for and protect you forever. That is what a husband, a Godly husband is meant to do. That is what a Godly father is meant to do. That is why both types of love are reflective of my love for you.

You did not have that Godly love from your father growing up but I have shown it to you since. You have not had that Godly love from a husband, but I am trying to show it to you now. It is possible to have the Godly marriage and the love that you have described. It takes work and complete reliance on me. Not everyone is up to it. Not everyone can stick with it long enough to see love triumph, but it is possible. And, specifically, it is possible for you. It is in your future if you want it.

Try not to be scared. Trust me to be your teacher and guide as always. I love you. This is the beginning of understanding a new aspect of that love. The church is my bride and you are the church. Don't get freaked out, this is a good thing and where we need to go next. Be my bride?