My prayer:
Mighty God. Thank you for the new ideas and next steps all day today! Thank you for an amazing small group. It was pretty small tonight but truly fantastic and just what I needed.
God, I feel inspired tonight. I love that we are moving again, that I am moving again! Thank you for getting me out of that "stuck" season. God you are amazing. I feel like everything in my life, in my friends' lives is about building right now. Building businesses, relationships, ministries, it is a season of building. I love building God. It is so exciting to watch vision come to life.
God I pray for the strength, wisdom and capability to do all that you have for me to do to build my friends' dreams and my dreams. Dream builder...that sounds like a great job title! I love you God. I see it all coming together.
I saw tonight how decisions I made more than two years ago have led to and set up everything that is going on right now. I hadn't seen that connection before. Thank you for that insight! It helps me to see the progress and encourages me.
God, keep guiding me, directing me, helping me and show me how to best help the people you have put in my life. Love, love, love you God!
What God said tonight:
I love seeing you happy. To see you full with joy is a balm to my heart. You have learned to walk in all types of seasons. You have learned to wear the armor and covering to bring you through without significant harm. This is a really important thing you have learned.
It doesn't not mean all seasons are fun. You asked this morning to make summer last longer and for winter to be delayed. A season can be delayed but it cannot be avoided. Best to learn to dance in spite of the season. Best to find the good in each season and learn the way to appreciate it. There is always something to appreciate but you have to look for it.
As we move into new seasons, I ask that you move a level higher and learn to enjoy each season, not just survive. I want you to live a life of joy. I also want you to show others that it is possible to live a life that is not determined by circumstances but is determined by faith. I want you to be an example of living for me.
Next level, next steps, are you up for it? You can never resist a challenge. I love that about you. It makes my leading you pretty easy!
Find the joy. If you can't find it, create it. There is joy within you because I am in you. Bring my joy into every situation and every season and make people wonder why you are smiling!
But, be careful, don't fake it. Don't act like everything is ok when you are dying inside. That hypocrisy doesn't help any of us. Instead, I need you to truly connect with the joy and experience it in the face of the situation. I promise you, the joy is always in you because I am always in you. Tap into the joy. Tap into my love. Tap into the power that comes from the combination of the two and NOTHING can ever stop you.
I love you sweet daughter. Live out the life of joy that I have for you.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Hearing God...
My prayer:
Lord, God, Almighty. God you reign. God you are the amazing answer to every question ever asked and every question that will ever be thought. Mom and I were talking about it tonight--I have always wanted answers, answers about everything. You are my answer. You satisfy my curiosity God. Thank you for always answering me and my questions God. I don't always understand the answer right away but you always answer me. I find great peace in knowing that I can never ask a question that is too hard for you.
God I am so grateful that you find ways to speak to me. Whether it is from your word, other people, circumstances or the still small voice that I love so much to hear, it is all precious to me. I love to listen to you. I love to learn from you. I love just being with you.
I finished our outline for the training program to help people learn how to hear from you. I pray and ask God for help with the next steps. Show me the format that you want this all in God. Do I put it in the PowerPoint style that I am use to using or do you have a better idea? Thank you for inspiration God. I pray for the complete vision of what you want in this.
God I want to thank you again for amazing friends in my life. Everyday, one or more of these amazing people that you put in my life finds a way to bless me and encourage me. You have surrounded me with people that are so talented and smart and loving. I don't deserve the people you have put in my life but I surely am grateful. God help me be the blessing to them that they are to me. Help me to see the need and fill the need in their lives. Help me God to love on them everyday.
God, my life is in your hands and I give it to you freely and without hesitation. I am all yours God. Do with me and my life whatever you will. I love you, worship and praise you. I wish that I could find better words to describe my love for you God.
What God said tonight:
My love. It is good to be with you again here. This has become quite a place of worship and fellowship. I wish you could see this room in the spiritual realm. There is a glow that is so intense that comes from you and I spending these moments together. It is quite beautiful.
This, what we are doing, talking, listening, learning and building is important. It means so much to the world. They will all need to know how to seek me on their own. More and more my people are coming to know me personally. I have waited for this time for so very long. I have waited for a time that I could speak to people and they would hear. I have waited so long to have people speak their true hearts and feelings to me on a regular basis.
I am the God of rescue and I am here to help but I also need to hear from you when things are going well, when things are even and balanced, when things are crazy busy and when things are calm. I need to hear from you and talk to you at all times in your life. I need you to be so sensitive to my voice that you can hear me in a noisy train station or in the quiet of the forest. I need you to hear me in the midst of a landslide and in the peace of a summer night.
I love you so much and want so much for you. I sometimes want more for you than you want for yourself. But I am always here and I will give you as much as you are willing to receive. Open your arms wide my daughter and receive the blessings I have for you. You will not be disappointed.
Your life is so, so... exciting, amazing, purposeful, ordained and important. You just won't believe it. And, like most things with me, you will already be in the middle of it all before you realize it. Then, when you least expect it, you will look around and say, "WOW, look what God did!" That is when we will celebrate together. You are destined for greatness my girl. You trust that.
You don't ever need to translate for me. I can speak exactly what I mean and ordain it to reach each person that I mean for it to reach. Sometimes my words seem to be just for you but you know from experience that "just for you" can apply to millions at the same time.
The Bible, my word will never lose it's power because it is infused with life and this Holy Spirit anointing that reaches out and touches hearts, minds and spirits.
Keep teaching. Keep developing the trainings. My people need help to understand me more quickly in these final days. Help them to hear me. Help them to see me. You are going to be an instrument, a teaching tool for me. It is going to be so much fun!
Love you tonight and forever, my love. You are my light reflected for the world to see.
Lord, God, Almighty. God you reign. God you are the amazing answer to every question ever asked and every question that will ever be thought. Mom and I were talking about it tonight--I have always wanted answers, answers about everything. You are my answer. You satisfy my curiosity God. Thank you for always answering me and my questions God. I don't always understand the answer right away but you always answer me. I find great peace in knowing that I can never ask a question that is too hard for you.
God I am so grateful that you find ways to speak to me. Whether it is from your word, other people, circumstances or the still small voice that I love so much to hear, it is all precious to me. I love to listen to you. I love to learn from you. I love just being with you.
I finished our outline for the training program to help people learn how to hear from you. I pray and ask God for help with the next steps. Show me the format that you want this all in God. Do I put it in the PowerPoint style that I am use to using or do you have a better idea? Thank you for inspiration God. I pray for the complete vision of what you want in this.
God I want to thank you again for amazing friends in my life. Everyday, one or more of these amazing people that you put in my life finds a way to bless me and encourage me. You have surrounded me with people that are so talented and smart and loving. I don't deserve the people you have put in my life but I surely am grateful. God help me be the blessing to them that they are to me. Help me to see the need and fill the need in their lives. Help me God to love on them everyday.
God, my life is in your hands and I give it to you freely and without hesitation. I am all yours God. Do with me and my life whatever you will. I love you, worship and praise you. I wish that I could find better words to describe my love for you God.
What God said tonight:
My love. It is good to be with you again here. This has become quite a place of worship and fellowship. I wish you could see this room in the spiritual realm. There is a glow that is so intense that comes from you and I spending these moments together. It is quite beautiful.
This, what we are doing, talking, listening, learning and building is important. It means so much to the world. They will all need to know how to seek me on their own. More and more my people are coming to know me personally. I have waited for this time for so very long. I have waited for a time that I could speak to people and they would hear. I have waited so long to have people speak their true hearts and feelings to me on a regular basis.
I am the God of rescue and I am here to help but I also need to hear from you when things are going well, when things are even and balanced, when things are crazy busy and when things are calm. I need to hear from you and talk to you at all times in your life. I need you to be so sensitive to my voice that you can hear me in a noisy train station or in the quiet of the forest. I need you to hear me in the midst of a landslide and in the peace of a summer night.
I love you so much and want so much for you. I sometimes want more for you than you want for yourself. But I am always here and I will give you as much as you are willing to receive. Open your arms wide my daughter and receive the blessings I have for you. You will not be disappointed.
Your life is so, so... exciting, amazing, purposeful, ordained and important. You just won't believe it. And, like most things with me, you will already be in the middle of it all before you realize it. Then, when you least expect it, you will look around and say, "WOW, look what God did!" That is when we will celebrate together. You are destined for greatness my girl. You trust that.
You don't ever need to translate for me. I can speak exactly what I mean and ordain it to reach each person that I mean for it to reach. Sometimes my words seem to be just for you but you know from experience that "just for you" can apply to millions at the same time.
The Bible, my word will never lose it's power because it is infused with life and this Holy Spirit anointing that reaches out and touches hearts, minds and spirits.
Keep teaching. Keep developing the trainings. My people need help to understand me more quickly in these final days. Help them to hear me. Help them to see me. You are going to be an instrument, a teaching tool for me. It is going to be so much fun!
Love you tonight and forever, my love. You are my light reflected for the world to see.
Monday, August 16, 2010
You be you...
My prayer:
My father and king. God, I have never had a king other than you. I don't know much about having a king and what it means. I get the impression that it is having the unchallenged final word. The king gets to make all of the rules and has the final say with any situation. That fits with you. I am grateful that my king also happens to love me to pieces. Wow God, not sure where that tangent came from.
I love you God. I am still confused about some things but I am confident that we will walk through this and everything for the rest of my life and beyond, together. There is such a great peace in that Lord. That you will be there for me always, never leaving or forsaking. I never need to worry that one morning I will wake up and you will be gone. You will ALWAYS be there. God, if there weren't a million other reasons to love you, that one thing would be enough.
God, what do you need from me tonight? What can I be doing for you tonight? Is there an act, a prayer, a change, an attitude, worship that I can give you tonight? God what I can I do for you tonight?
God, I feel like I don't do enough for you. I hear about other people who are traveling the world and taking your message, food etc. to people who are desperate. I hear about people who have quit their jobs in faith and just follow your voice. I hear about people who realize they haven't been a blessing to anyone yet that day and find someone in a roadside rest stop and give them everything in their wallet. I hear about these people God and think, I want faith like that. I want to trust you like that. I want you to be able to trust me with stuff like that.
There is that word again, trust. I guess we are not done with that topic. I love you God and want to trust you more so I can be and do anything and everything you have for me. Help me again in this God.
I praise you God. Thank you Jesus for miraculously healing Damaris. Thank you for amazing friends who listen to me yammer on and pray for me. Thank you for a mom who loves me more than life. Thank you God for every blessing you have put in my life. I praise you.
What God said tonight:
Just breathe and relax a minute. Your thoughts, your prayers are kind of all over tonight. I tell you tonight, rest, be still. I have it all under control.
I don't need you to do what other people are doing. I need you to do what I have told you to do. You have been faithful in your commitment to work on the new training courses every day. I appreciate your faithfulness. You just continue to listen and pay attention to what I have for you.
Comparing yourself to others is always a losing game. You are you for a reason. I don't need more people just for the sake of having more people in the kingdom. I need more people in the kingdom because each person is so unique and each person brings something new and needed. Don't sell the kingdom short by trying to be like anyone else. You are you and perfect in your youness.
"Youness" may not be a word, but I am God and king, so I made it up. I get to do that. I get to create things just by speaking them. It is one of the great things about being me. Discover the great things about being you. Nourish and cherish those things. Grow those things so that you can be the best you that you can be.
Your destiny is within you, not within the stories or the call on other people. Your story is unique, your ministry is unique, your purpose is unique. Be you. You know that one of the names for me is "I AM." That's just me being me. That is all that means. Now you be you.
I love you sweetness. Keep up that good fight of faith and practice trusting me each day. Please don't fall back into what is comfortable. Keep pushing and striving to do things in this new way. Masks off, show the world who I really am. Show them who I am to you so I can show myself to them. I love you.
My father and king. God, I have never had a king other than you. I don't know much about having a king and what it means. I get the impression that it is having the unchallenged final word. The king gets to make all of the rules and has the final say with any situation. That fits with you. I am grateful that my king also happens to love me to pieces. Wow God, not sure where that tangent came from.
I love you God. I am still confused about some things but I am confident that we will walk through this and everything for the rest of my life and beyond, together. There is such a great peace in that Lord. That you will be there for me always, never leaving or forsaking. I never need to worry that one morning I will wake up and you will be gone. You will ALWAYS be there. God, if there weren't a million other reasons to love you, that one thing would be enough.
God, what do you need from me tonight? What can I be doing for you tonight? Is there an act, a prayer, a change, an attitude, worship that I can give you tonight? God what I can I do for you tonight?
God, I feel like I don't do enough for you. I hear about other people who are traveling the world and taking your message, food etc. to people who are desperate. I hear about people who have quit their jobs in faith and just follow your voice. I hear about people who realize they haven't been a blessing to anyone yet that day and find someone in a roadside rest stop and give them everything in their wallet. I hear about these people God and think, I want faith like that. I want to trust you like that. I want you to be able to trust me with stuff like that.
There is that word again, trust. I guess we are not done with that topic. I love you God and want to trust you more so I can be and do anything and everything you have for me. Help me again in this God.
I praise you God. Thank you Jesus for miraculously healing Damaris. Thank you for amazing friends who listen to me yammer on and pray for me. Thank you for a mom who loves me more than life. Thank you God for every blessing you have put in my life. I praise you.
What God said tonight:
Just breathe and relax a minute. Your thoughts, your prayers are kind of all over tonight. I tell you tonight, rest, be still. I have it all under control.
I don't need you to do what other people are doing. I need you to do what I have told you to do. You have been faithful in your commitment to work on the new training courses every day. I appreciate your faithfulness. You just continue to listen and pay attention to what I have for you.
Comparing yourself to others is always a losing game. You are you for a reason. I don't need more people just for the sake of having more people in the kingdom. I need more people in the kingdom because each person is so unique and each person brings something new and needed. Don't sell the kingdom short by trying to be like anyone else. You are you and perfect in your youness.
"Youness" may not be a word, but I am God and king, so I made it up. I get to do that. I get to create things just by speaking them. It is one of the great things about being me. Discover the great things about being you. Nourish and cherish those things. Grow those things so that you can be the best you that you can be.
Your destiny is within you, not within the stories or the call on other people. Your story is unique, your ministry is unique, your purpose is unique. Be you. You know that one of the names for me is "I AM." That's just me being me. That is all that means. Now you be you.
I love you sweetness. Keep up that good fight of faith and practice trusting me each day. Please don't fall back into what is comfortable. Keep pushing and striving to do things in this new way. Masks off, show the world who I really am. Show them who I am to you so I can show myself to them. I love you.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The future...
My prayer:
Awesome father, mighty God. What do you want to say tonight? It has been all about me for awhile now. What is on your mind? What can I do for you? Your servant is here and ready to listen.
What God said tonight:
Sweet daughter. You spent most of today running away and you are still running away. But I love you and understand you need a break. You have been dealing with some of the really tough questions these last few days and weeks.
Tonight, let's spend some time looking at what is possible. Looking at what I can accomplish. Looking at the future that I have ordained for you and the world. I wrote it all out you know. It should not be a surprise to anyone. I know the imagery in the book of Revelations can be difficult to follow, but spend some time with it. It is all there.
So many people want to know the future and they seek out psychics, horoscopes, Ouija boards, fortune cookies, really just about anything that they think might shed light on what happens next. You don't need all that. I wrote it all down for you.
I told you that you have a great future. I have told you that you will be victorious in all that you do and I will bless the work of your hands. I have told you that you are the head and not the tail and my word is truth. I have explained the groanings, the wars, the rumors of wars, the "natural" disasters, the plagues and all that will happen to give every last person the chance to choose a life with me. Many will not make the right choice, but many will.
I know you are in a hurry. I know that you, being you, want to get it all done with now so we can move on into living in paradise together forever. But the work of this world is far from over. Please stick in there with me to finish the work. Being work, it is not always fun, but I will ensure to always prosper you. My faithful daughter, keep at it, today, tomorrow and as many tomorrows as we have, stick to the plan. Love me and love people.
I will always love you. We aren't done talking about trust, by the way. That is part of the work we have left to do. You remain my heart's desire and the object of my love.
Awesome father, mighty God. What do you want to say tonight? It has been all about me for awhile now. What is on your mind? What can I do for you? Your servant is here and ready to listen.
What God said tonight:
Sweet daughter. You spent most of today running away and you are still running away. But I love you and understand you need a break. You have been dealing with some of the really tough questions these last few days and weeks.
Tonight, let's spend some time looking at what is possible. Looking at what I can accomplish. Looking at the future that I have ordained for you and the world. I wrote it all out you know. It should not be a surprise to anyone. I know the imagery in the book of Revelations can be difficult to follow, but spend some time with it. It is all there.
So many people want to know the future and they seek out psychics, horoscopes, Ouija boards, fortune cookies, really just about anything that they think might shed light on what happens next. You don't need all that. I wrote it all down for you.
I told you that you have a great future. I have told you that you will be victorious in all that you do and I will bless the work of your hands. I have told you that you are the head and not the tail and my word is truth. I have explained the groanings, the wars, the rumors of wars, the "natural" disasters, the plagues and all that will happen to give every last person the chance to choose a life with me. Many will not make the right choice, but many will.
I know you are in a hurry. I know that you, being you, want to get it all done with now so we can move on into living in paradise together forever. But the work of this world is far from over. Please stick in there with me to finish the work. Being work, it is not always fun, but I will ensure to always prosper you. My faithful daughter, keep at it, today, tomorrow and as many tomorrows as we have, stick to the plan. Love me and love people.
I will always love you. We aren't done talking about trust, by the way. That is part of the work we have left to do. You remain my heart's desire and the object of my love.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Blood, sweat and tears...
My prayer:
You were on the cross. When I was looking for you, you were on the cross. When I wondered if you were still with me, you were on the cross paying for my sin. Paying the debt I owe and cannot pay. God, one sacrifice that covered all of us. Every person ever born or ever will be born is covered by that one sacrifice as long as they call you Lord of their life. Sometimes those simple truths that I have known my whole life take on a whole new level of meaning.
Thank you for all that you said last night. I am beginning to understand it better. I am not quite there yet, but I am closer than I was. Thank you for your patience and willingness to hear me out and to try to help me to understand.
You are not a stranger to pain, torture, betrayal, abuse or death. Every terrible thing that I have experienced, you have experienced. If preventing those horrible things was the best thing to do, you surely would have prevented experiencing them yourself. But you actually chose to go through it all. You chose to be betrayed, beaten, humiliated and killed. You knew that the benefit, the possibility for salvation of every person, was worth the pain. You were big enough to see that the outcome justified the need to go through it all. It was worth it to you because of your love for us. You would go through anything to save us. You choose to go through it all because of your love for us.
Before I worry too much more about why you didn't take me out of my abusive situation, before I worry too much about the other suffering I see, I think I need to spend some time thinking about the abuse and death that you chose to go through just for me. Would I make the same choice if I was given it? If I knew that going through all that I went through was the only way to help someone else, would I have chosen to go through it? I don't know, but it does help to know that you will always use those struggles, battles, abuse to help someone else. It does help to know you never waste a hurt.
I remember when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested. He asked a few times that "this cup be taken" from him, but always followed up with "Your will be done." He prayed so hard that he sweat blood. I prayed pretty hard as a little girl, but I never sweat blood! Your answer to Jesus prayer was not to take away the coming torture and death but to send angels to help him. As I look back, that is what you did for me. You didn't take me out of the situation but sent people and angels to help me through it. Not that I am comparing my struggle to Jesus' torture, that would be ridiculous, but our prayers and the outcome of the prayers were similar. So, I got the same result, the same help that you gave to your only begotten son...You say that I have first son rights...I think this is the first time that I really have an example of that in my life! God you are cool.
I love you so much God. Thank you for all that you are showing and teaching me. I pray God that tomorrow's services throughout the world are blessed and on fire with your Holy Spirit. I pray our worship blesses you!
What God said tonight:
I don't have much to say tonight. Like David, you encouraged yourself tonight! Your openness to this process is so good and refreshing. I am so glad that we are finally taking care of this. It has been a wall between us for too long.
Your life is blessed and a blessing. You will be amazed at what is to come. Your future is great and you will look back on these times with fondness, as a beginning. Do not disparage small beginnings. They can be the most beautiful things in the world.
You are a blessed daughter of the most high God and you will never want for anything. You will have everything that I have promised you. You will have great joy in your life. You will have every need met. You will have my love evident in you every moment of every day of your life.
Your family is blessed, your friends are blessed, your animals are blessed. You are blessed coming in and going out. You are blessed in the city and blessed in the country . You will conquer every place and every situation that you are in because the victorious God lives in you. I will be your victory, your help and your strength.
Your love for me is precious. Your worship is a sweet fragrance to me. Your faithfulness is a testimony of your love for me. I love you with everything that I am, now and forever. Good night my dear.
You were on the cross. When I was looking for you, you were on the cross. When I wondered if you were still with me, you were on the cross paying for my sin. Paying the debt I owe and cannot pay. God, one sacrifice that covered all of us. Every person ever born or ever will be born is covered by that one sacrifice as long as they call you Lord of their life. Sometimes those simple truths that I have known my whole life take on a whole new level of meaning.
Thank you for all that you said last night. I am beginning to understand it better. I am not quite there yet, but I am closer than I was. Thank you for your patience and willingness to hear me out and to try to help me to understand.
You are not a stranger to pain, torture, betrayal, abuse or death. Every terrible thing that I have experienced, you have experienced. If preventing those horrible things was the best thing to do, you surely would have prevented experiencing them yourself. But you actually chose to go through it all. You chose to be betrayed, beaten, humiliated and killed. You knew that the benefit, the possibility for salvation of every person, was worth the pain. You were big enough to see that the outcome justified the need to go through it all. It was worth it to you because of your love for us. You would go through anything to save us. You choose to go through it all because of your love for us.
Before I worry too much more about why you didn't take me out of my abusive situation, before I worry too much about the other suffering I see, I think I need to spend some time thinking about the abuse and death that you chose to go through just for me. Would I make the same choice if I was given it? If I knew that going through all that I went through was the only way to help someone else, would I have chosen to go through it? I don't know, but it does help to know that you will always use those struggles, battles, abuse to help someone else. It does help to know you never waste a hurt.
I remember when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested. He asked a few times that "this cup be taken" from him, but always followed up with "Your will be done." He prayed so hard that he sweat blood. I prayed pretty hard as a little girl, but I never sweat blood! Your answer to Jesus prayer was not to take away the coming torture and death but to send angels to help him. As I look back, that is what you did for me. You didn't take me out of the situation but sent people and angels to help me through it. Not that I am comparing my struggle to Jesus' torture, that would be ridiculous, but our prayers and the outcome of the prayers were similar. So, I got the same result, the same help that you gave to your only begotten son...You say that I have first son rights...I think this is the first time that I really have an example of that in my life! God you are cool.
I love you so much God. Thank you for all that you are showing and teaching me. I pray God that tomorrow's services throughout the world are blessed and on fire with your Holy Spirit. I pray our worship blesses you!
What God said tonight:
I don't have much to say tonight. Like David, you encouraged yourself tonight! Your openness to this process is so good and refreshing. I am so glad that we are finally taking care of this. It has been a wall between us for too long.
Your life is blessed and a blessing. You will be amazed at what is to come. Your future is great and you will look back on these times with fondness, as a beginning. Do not disparage small beginnings. They can be the most beautiful things in the world.
You are a blessed daughter of the most high God and you will never want for anything. You will have everything that I have promised you. You will have great joy in your life. You will have every need met. You will have my love evident in you every moment of every day of your life.
Your family is blessed, your friends are blessed, your animals are blessed. You are blessed coming in and going out. You are blessed in the city and blessed in the country . You will conquer every place and every situation that you are in because the victorious God lives in you. I will be your victory, your help and your strength.
Your love for me is precious. Your worship is a sweet fragrance to me. Your faithfulness is a testimony of your love for me. I love you with everything that I am, now and forever. Good night my dear.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Why I don't trust...
My Prayer:
Hi God. I have really put this off tonight. Mainly because I don't know what to say. You asked me a pretty specific question last night, why don't I trust you? Well, I have thought about it a lot today. I have always told myself that it isn't that I don't trust you, it's just that I don't trust myself to hear you correctly or accurately all of the time. But, if I am honest with myself, that is a cop out. I tell myself that so that I can make it ok to not trust. I tell myself that because I know I should trust you and when I don't I feel guilty. Instead of dealing with that, I couch it in nice acceptable church language and wiggle my way out. I guess that is over as of tonight.
The question remains, why don't I trust you? I should trust you. You are a good God. You have never done anything but love me and help me. I am alive today only because of you. I am in my right mind only because of you. You have never done or said a single thing that should make me not trust you, so why?
I'm not sure that I know God. I do trust that in the end, everything will work out to my good. That you are in charge. But I also know that I have had to go through a lot of crap over the years. I also know that I have watched people I care about, good people, go through a lot of crap. Maybe it comes back to that age old question, "If you love me how could you let me go through that?" How could you let me be molested, raped, beat, tortured, rejected? How could you allow millions to die in flooding? How can you allow people and land to be consumed in fire? How can you let people lie about me and talk badly about me? How can you let it all happen? If you truly love me and want the best for me, how can you watch it all happen? Doesn't it break your heart? Doesn't it make you want to intervene?
I remember so many days and nights as a little girl praying, begging for you to get me out of it all. Year after year I didn't know what else to do. I tried to run away, but I was so little, I didn't know how to take care of myself. God, you have shown me how to forgive the people who abused me in my life. You are showing me how to forgive myself. I guess I didn't realize until tonight that I need to forgive you. I think that is the root though God. I think it is hard for me to trust you in that day to day way because a part of me is still that little girl, sitting at the lake, hiding, praying and begging you to take me away only to have to go back and face it all for one more day, month or year.
God, I am sorry I have held this against you all this time. God help me to forgive. I love you.
What God said tonight:
Thank you so much for getting that out. It is so past time that we deal with this one and now that it is out in the open, we can take care of it. You are not alone. So many people have these same doubts. Life in this sin riddled world is hard! There is no other way to say it. The things that happen in any one given life can be tragic on so many levels.
I wish I could explain to you in a way that you could fully understand. I was there with you at the lake. I was always with you. I never left you. I would never let you go through anything alone. Now, I can hear your thoughts, that knowing that isn't really much of a comfort. In some ways to know that I am right there and can intervene but don't or don't seem to, can seem even more cruel.
Maybe I can explain it this way, your life is bigger than your tragedies. Your life and purpose are bigger than you. I have a world full of people who are hurting as a result of the sin that runs rampant in the world. I need people who can reach out and help these people to know me and find a better way to live. My people, you, could never reach or help anyone if you never went through anything yourself. But, I was always there. I was always there to make sure that you were strong enough to handle it. That you had my strength to lean on and keep you from permanent damage. There is a reason why so many people who went through the things you did end up not in their right minds and tormented by memories. They did not have me in them to help. You were chosen at such a young age, because I needed to be with you and keep you strong throughout.
I will always be with you. I tell you I will never give you more than you can handle, ever. It was not some coincidence or luck that you survived those years. It is not coincidence or luck that you have such a desire to minister and to help people who are hurting. You have had a plan on your life before you were born.
You ask if it broke my heart, more than you can know. The tears you cried were just the overflow of mine. I hated to see you in such pain, so afraid. I never wanted that for you. But, choices were made by others that led to you being hurt. I can't stop them from making those decisions or the consequences of them, but I can strengthen and help you through it. I can and will bring you through everything that ever comes against you.
You can rely on me. You can trust me. You can know that you will never be so broken that I can't put you back together. Count it all joy sweet daughter. Remember each time I brought you through and know that will always be the outcome of struggle, pain, abuse, torture in your life. It rains on everyone, but I will bring you out and dry you off every time. Come sit by my fire and get warm tonight. I love you.
I hope this helps some tonight. We will continue to talk this out until you have no doubt left. We will work through this together. I promised you I would help you and I ALWAYS keep my promises. ALWAYS. You are precious and amazing and I love everything about you. Come back here tomorrow and we will continue to work this out.
Hi God. I have really put this off tonight. Mainly because I don't know what to say. You asked me a pretty specific question last night, why don't I trust you? Well, I have thought about it a lot today. I have always told myself that it isn't that I don't trust you, it's just that I don't trust myself to hear you correctly or accurately all of the time. But, if I am honest with myself, that is a cop out. I tell myself that so that I can make it ok to not trust. I tell myself that because I know I should trust you and when I don't I feel guilty. Instead of dealing with that, I couch it in nice acceptable church language and wiggle my way out. I guess that is over as of tonight.
The question remains, why don't I trust you? I should trust you. You are a good God. You have never done anything but love me and help me. I am alive today only because of you. I am in my right mind only because of you. You have never done or said a single thing that should make me not trust you, so why?
I'm not sure that I know God. I do trust that in the end, everything will work out to my good. That you are in charge. But I also know that I have had to go through a lot of crap over the years. I also know that I have watched people I care about, good people, go through a lot of crap. Maybe it comes back to that age old question, "If you love me how could you let me go through that?" How could you let me be molested, raped, beat, tortured, rejected? How could you allow millions to die in flooding? How can you allow people and land to be consumed in fire? How can you let people lie about me and talk badly about me? How can you let it all happen? If you truly love me and want the best for me, how can you watch it all happen? Doesn't it break your heart? Doesn't it make you want to intervene?
I remember so many days and nights as a little girl praying, begging for you to get me out of it all. Year after year I didn't know what else to do. I tried to run away, but I was so little, I didn't know how to take care of myself. God, you have shown me how to forgive the people who abused me in my life. You are showing me how to forgive myself. I guess I didn't realize until tonight that I need to forgive you. I think that is the root though God. I think it is hard for me to trust you in that day to day way because a part of me is still that little girl, sitting at the lake, hiding, praying and begging you to take me away only to have to go back and face it all for one more day, month or year.
God, I am sorry I have held this against you all this time. God help me to forgive. I love you.
What God said tonight:
Thank you so much for getting that out. It is so past time that we deal with this one and now that it is out in the open, we can take care of it. You are not alone. So many people have these same doubts. Life in this sin riddled world is hard! There is no other way to say it. The things that happen in any one given life can be tragic on so many levels.
I wish I could explain to you in a way that you could fully understand. I was there with you at the lake. I was always with you. I never left you. I would never let you go through anything alone. Now, I can hear your thoughts, that knowing that isn't really much of a comfort. In some ways to know that I am right there and can intervene but don't or don't seem to, can seem even more cruel.
Maybe I can explain it this way, your life is bigger than your tragedies. Your life and purpose are bigger than you. I have a world full of people who are hurting as a result of the sin that runs rampant in the world. I need people who can reach out and help these people to know me and find a better way to live. My people, you, could never reach or help anyone if you never went through anything yourself. But, I was always there. I was always there to make sure that you were strong enough to handle it. That you had my strength to lean on and keep you from permanent damage. There is a reason why so many people who went through the things you did end up not in their right minds and tormented by memories. They did not have me in them to help. You were chosen at such a young age, because I needed to be with you and keep you strong throughout.
I will always be with you. I tell you I will never give you more than you can handle, ever. It was not some coincidence or luck that you survived those years. It is not coincidence or luck that you have such a desire to minister and to help people who are hurting. You have had a plan on your life before you were born.
You ask if it broke my heart, more than you can know. The tears you cried were just the overflow of mine. I hated to see you in such pain, so afraid. I never wanted that for you. But, choices were made by others that led to you being hurt. I can't stop them from making those decisions or the consequences of them, but I can strengthen and help you through it. I can and will bring you through everything that ever comes against you.
You can rely on me. You can trust me. You can know that you will never be so broken that I can't put you back together. Count it all joy sweet daughter. Remember each time I brought you through and know that will always be the outcome of struggle, pain, abuse, torture in your life. It rains on everyone, but I will bring you out and dry you off every time. Come sit by my fire and get warm tonight. I love you.
I hope this helps some tonight. We will continue to talk this out until you have no doubt left. We will work through this together. I promised you I would help you and I ALWAYS keep my promises. ALWAYS. You are precious and amazing and I love everything about you. Come back here tomorrow and we will continue to work this out.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Trust...
My prayer:
Sweet father who loves me so much. Can I just spend some time telling you how wonderful you are? You are so patient, you never give up on me. You wait it out and trust that I will come to my senses and come to you eventually.
God thank you for the struggles and the lessons learned through them. I would be a pretty boring and shallow person if I never went through anything. Thank you for the trouble in life, not because of the trouble itself, I don't like the trouble, but I love the things I learn from it. I love that each thing, each struggle, each storm, each attack, each wrong decision, leads me back to you eventually. And once I am back, I am stronger, more loving, more merciful and more understanding than I ever was before. Thank you for using every single thing in my life to make me a better person and to bless the people in my life. I thank you that everything you bring me through will be one more thing that I can help someone else through someday.
God today was good. Busy, but good. Isn't it funny that now that I remembered what you told me to do, I am suddenly so busy that I don't have time to do it. But I commit tonight God to spend a portion of everyday working on the new training program about how to hear from you. Even if it is only 10 minutes, I will spend some time on developing it. I ask for your help in getting it done God.
God I pray over my family and friends. You know their situations, their struggles, their needs and I pray God that you move in their lives in a whole new way. I pray God that your power, direction and love be evidenced in their lives. I pray God that you comfort and love them so they know that it is you.
I love you God. You are truly my joy.
What God said tonight:
What is different about tonight? There is a great weight that is lifted. There is a pressure, a false expectation that you are no longer being tormented by. You are free, not just for today but from now on. You will not have to worry about that feeling, that weight, that restriction coming back. We are done with that one forever.
You will of course have new struggles in the future and we will get through those too. There is a way to live where the struggles truly just roll off your back. There is a way to live at such a great level of trust that you are never without my joy or my peace. It isn't easy in some ways but in some ways it is the easiest thing in the world.
Practice trust. Practice trusting. When you truly trust me and know who I am, how much I love you, there is no need for fear, pain or worry. There is no room for those things in the presence of true trust.
Can you learn to trust me like that? Can you try? I will help... I love you more than I loved living. I loved you so much, I gave up living for you. What more do you need to trust me? What questions do you have? It is ok, I can take it. Think about it daughter. Think about the things that keep you from trusting me wholly and let's talk about it tomorrow. Me + you = true love!
Sweet father who loves me so much. Can I just spend some time telling you how wonderful you are? You are so patient, you never give up on me. You wait it out and trust that I will come to my senses and come to you eventually.
God thank you for the struggles and the lessons learned through them. I would be a pretty boring and shallow person if I never went through anything. Thank you for the trouble in life, not because of the trouble itself, I don't like the trouble, but I love the things I learn from it. I love that each thing, each struggle, each storm, each attack, each wrong decision, leads me back to you eventually. And once I am back, I am stronger, more loving, more merciful and more understanding than I ever was before. Thank you for using every single thing in my life to make me a better person and to bless the people in my life. I thank you that everything you bring me through will be one more thing that I can help someone else through someday.
God today was good. Busy, but good. Isn't it funny that now that I remembered what you told me to do, I am suddenly so busy that I don't have time to do it. But I commit tonight God to spend a portion of everyday working on the new training program about how to hear from you. Even if it is only 10 minutes, I will spend some time on developing it. I ask for your help in getting it done God.
God I pray over my family and friends. You know their situations, their struggles, their needs and I pray God that you move in their lives in a whole new way. I pray God that your power, direction and love be evidenced in their lives. I pray God that you comfort and love them so they know that it is you.
I love you God. You are truly my joy.
What God said tonight:
What is different about tonight? There is a great weight that is lifted. There is a pressure, a false expectation that you are no longer being tormented by. You are free, not just for today but from now on. You will not have to worry about that feeling, that weight, that restriction coming back. We are done with that one forever.
You will of course have new struggles in the future and we will get through those too. There is a way to live where the struggles truly just roll off your back. There is a way to live at such a great level of trust that you are never without my joy or my peace. It isn't easy in some ways but in some ways it is the easiest thing in the world.
Practice trust. Practice trusting. When you truly trust me and know who I am, how much I love you, there is no need for fear, pain or worry. There is no room for those things in the presence of true trust.
Can you learn to trust me like that? Can you try? I will help... I love you more than I loved living. I loved you so much, I gave up living for you. What more do you need to trust me? What questions do you have? It is ok, I can take it. Think about it daughter. Think about the things that keep you from trusting me wholly and let's talk about it tomorrow. Me + you = true love!
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