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The History: A couple of years ago, I started journaling my prayers and God's responses to them. I told my friends about this, they were really interested. I told my Pastor about it and he said, how about sharing those on line. When I asked God, He said, my words are for you, but not just for you. And, here we are...I hope He speaks to you in these words.
My prayer:
God my God. Father, I don't know how to pray tonight. Life is so good right now. Circumstances are so good. You have worked everything out and you are prospering me everywhere I go. You are moving in the lives of the people around me, changing circumstances and prospering them. It really is amazing and I am so grateful God. I really am. But, my feelings, my emotions are definitely not matching the circumstances.
I know I can't trust my feelings, especially in times like this. I feel like my feelings, my emotions are on a roller coaster again. My instinct right now is to withdraw from people mainly because I don't want to be around me, so why would they. And God, I am frustrated with myself. This is all stuff I thought I dealt with years ago! Why am I having trouble with it now again? What am I missing God? What am I doing or not doing? What do I need to change?
I try to not isolate, to connect with people but it feels so fake right now. It feels like I am forcing it and it feels so awkward. I love the people you have put in my life God. I love the new people you bring to me every day. Why am I having trouble truly opening up and connecting with them? I thought I was over that lack of trust. Is it still related to being hurt a couple of weeks ago? What do I need to do to let go of that God? I thought I had but maybe not.
Ok, I am done whining. Thank you for putting up with me God. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always having the answers. I love you and I want to be a better person for you. I want to be the person you created me to be so I can accomplish all that you have for me to do. I don't want to go backwards God. I want to go forward into the future you have described. Please help God. Thank you.
What God Said Tonight:
Wow, it took you a long time to get to the only words that truly mattered, "please help." I am your ever present help. I will always help you daughter, you just have to ask.
You are struggling with something that seems familiar but that does not mean you are going backward. Just because you deal with an issue once, doesn't mean that you will not have different layers of it to deal with in the future. What you are experiencing as isolation right now would have seemed like being very social and connected in the past. It is just that you have a new level of expectation for yourself. I have a new level of expectation for you.
The ministry we are moving into will require that you care more for others than you do for yourself. It will require that you are more outwardly focused than you have ever been in the past. This time is uncomfortable but it is preparation. I need you to be uncomfortable in isolation. I need you to crave that true connection with others.
You feel like you are not in my will right now but you are. I am teaching you a new level of love for my people. A new level of connection with the children of God. I need your heart to be so tied to the people in your life that that you cannot be isolated or disconnected. I need you to have that same loyalty and faithfulness to them that you do to me.
I love you daughter and I know that you can love. Your love for me is beautiful and I love it. It is time to love my people with that same love. It is time for you to be as dedicated to them as you are to me. You will always keep me first. That priority must stay in place always but second needs to be the love for my people. The love for the people in the kingdom of God.
You will never again be satisfied with just you and me. You will always need to have people in your life to love and connect with.
Don't hate this season, learn from it and trust me. You will love the other side of it. Trust me as always and I will show you new levels of joy. I love you daughter now and forever. Now let's spread that love around a bit more.
My prayer:
My God, my Lord, my everything. God of my heart and my soul. My God how I love you. I am lost in my love for you tonight God. I am lost in my awe of you. I am lost in my worship of you. You are everything God. What if I could spend every minute for the rest of eternity worshipping you. What bliss God! I am at my most satisfied and most filled with joy when I am in deep worship of you. Overshadow me tonight God. Overshadow me. God I pray that I slide into the background so everyone can see you and only you tonight. Your intense and amazing beauty and strength. Your love and your amazing youness. There are no words to describe you adequately God so I will stop and let you shine through.
What God Said Tonight:
I am all yours. I am here for you and only for you. I am here tonight that you can see a new aspect of me that you have not known before. I want to reveal parts of me that you have not known in the past. I want to unveil sides of me that you have not known. You know much of me but there is much more to know. I am vast and have many facets and I want you to know me more than you have in the past. I want you to see me as I am not as religion or tradition has made me out to be. I want you to know me, not the rumors of me. I want you to feel me, not the echoes of me in the past.
I am alive and real for you today. I have power to share with you today. I have salvation, redemption and healing for you today. The miracles in the past are but a type and shadow of what I will do today if you are willing. I know you have heard of many remarkable things and you have seen many already. There is so much more. I want you to truly begin to understand that there is no limit with me. There is no boundary. I can go beyond everything that you can even imagine. I am bigger and greater than any circumstances. I can do things that you have not even thought of yet.
I want to wow you this year. I want to do things that so blow your mind, you will not have words to explain it. I want to show you the parts of me that I have held back for years. Those parts of me that are ready to come out in preparation for the next season.
There is a plan in all of this. The increase in strife and pain. The issues with the weather, the natural disasters, the wars and rumors of wars. All of it is part of the plan part of what must happen. I promise that we win in the end. Part of this plan is the increase in miracle power that I will show you. I will increase my presence, my visible presence in reaction or response to the increase in evil in this world.
My power will be a fire that will run throughout the world purifying and leaving the pure and unspoiled children. The fire is hot, bright and all encompassing but it will result in you and your brothers and sisters being purified and ready to spend eternity with me. I love you. Do not be afraid of the fire storm to come. It is there for your cleansing and your bright future. It will not harm you, I promise.
I love you so much. We have much to do, much to battle but there is also so much joy. Thank you for resting in this season of preparation. You will need the rest and the memory of rest to accomplish all that we have. My daughter, never forget my intense love for you. Never forget the plan I have for your life. It is truly great.
My prayer:
Awesome God, my Father,teacher,healer, guide and lover of my soul. We say good bye to 2010 tonight. What an amazing year you have made this God! I truly sit in awe of all that you have done this year, in my life, in my church, in my friends lives and in your ministry.
God you have shown me how you can truly make the impossible possible this year. You have shown me how you can bless us to prosper in ways I never could have imagined. You have shown me that there is so much more to do, so much more life to live! You God have convinced me this year that I truly can trust you with everything, nothing held back. You have consistently shown me your abiding love for me. You have done more miracles than I can count. You have shown your ability to heal us in so many situations emotionally, spiritually and of course physically.
God I know that you probably don't put much notice to the end of the year and the beginning of a new one. You have seen so many new years and you have a different time scale than me. But for me, this is a time to really reflect, appreciate and get excited for what is next.
God, you have made so many dreams come true for so many of us this year. And yet there are still so many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. God I thank you for being both the giver of dreams and the fulfillment of them. I ask tonight God that you hear the many dreams that people have for this next year and that you give them the desires of their hearts God. You know I have my own dreams too God and I thank you in advance for what you are going to do in them in 2011. I am so grateful for all that you did in 2010 and I can't wait to see what you do in 2011! In Jesus name, amen.
What God Said Tonight:
You might be surprised daughter. Milestones are important to me whether they are artificial like the end of the year or whether they are celebrations and remembrances of something I have done like Passover. I love when you take time to reflect on all that has happened and all that I have done. It is through that reflection that you remember and build your faith for the next thing.
Be careful to not get lost in the past though. I need you in the now and looking toward the future because there is much left to do. But, reflect and see that I am good.
I have loved this year and our time together. This has been a special time of launching. Launching of this ministry, launching of your church, launching of new believers, and so much more. You will be amazed one day when I am able to show you all that happened that you did not get to see. Your everyday life has a greater effect than you know.
Remember to live your life as though every second matters because it does. Remember to live your life as if someone is watching, because they are. Remember to celebrate in your life as if there is always something to celebrate, because there is.
You will see even greater things in the coming year than you did in the former year. Your latter years will be greater than your former years. You have just begun to see and understand all that I want for you.
We laid some great groundwork this year. We laid a firm foundation to build on. We have much to build but the foundation needed to be strong to hold it up. You have a foundation now that will hold many bricks and stones. You have a foundation that will withstand any storm. You have a foundation that will last an eternity.
I do love you so daughter. If nothing else happened this year other than you understanding that and learning to really trust me, that would have been enough and miraculous all in itself. The rest was fun too though, I have to admit.
I love you and I will be with you always and forever. You are shining like a golden ball of light. My light shining though you will draw many in the next year. Shine and I will draw people to me. Keep doing all that I call you to. Keep trusting me. Keep living with and loving me. You will never regret a life with me, I love you.
My prayer:
My awesome God. I did not do anything that I planned on doing today. I did not accomplish much of anything really. I am feeling pretty useless tonight God. I even, for the first time, considered not meeting you like this tonight God. It was only a brief thought but I am tired and feeling pretty worthless and it crossed my mind.
Wow, looks like I am having a big pity party for me tonight God. I don't even want to listen to me tonight so I won't make you listen to me. I think I should shut up and listen to what you have to say. I love you so much God. I am sorry that I wasn't more use to you today.
What God Said Tonight:
My daughter, remember that I don't calculate your worth based on what use you are to me. I don't consider your worth based on what you accomplish. My love for you does not change based on what you do or don't do. My love for you is solid and cannot be moved. My love for you is guaranteed. As such, I always want to hear from you and whatever is happening, I want to share it with you.
You know why you are feeling the way that you are. It is the same reason as always. When you draw within yourself and stop reaching out, like you did today, you feel worthless. It is ok to rest but it is not ok to isolate. When you isolate, you hurt yourself. You were created to be in relationship with others and connected with others. You know this. We have talked about it many times. But I also know it can be hard to see it when you are in the middle of it.
Rest tonight and reach out tomorrow. Reconnect. Stop isolating and this mood, this feeling will lift.
Your enemy wants you isolated. You are more vulnerable when you are isolated. You are more apt to fall for his lies. You are more apt to think the worst of yourself. Just don't do it. Reconnect.
I love you more than can know. You are my precious daughter that I died for. I would do it again today. You are so very important to me. I am your covering and will keep you safe. I will heal you. I will guide you always. You are the target of my love.
My prayer:
Awesome Father God, I am tired tonight. No good reason, just pooped.
Thank you for your favor today and making me succeed. I love you God. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for hearing the prayers for healing and thank you for your healing power in our lives.
I am coming to expect you to heal every time. I don't ever want to take it for granted. Your healing power is a true miracle and I don't ever want to lose the awe of it all. But, you are so consistently healing people that I am coming to expect it, not just hope for it. I think that is a good thing...as long as I never forget that it is all you, give you the praise and never lose the awe of your miraculous healing power.
Thank you God for being a healing God. Thank you for loving us so much that you don't just provide a way for us to be redeemed of the punishment of our sin but that you also provide a way that we can live a better life. A way that we can live a life of divine health. You loved us so much that on the way to the cross to pay for our sin, you took on our sickness too. You didn't have to. You could have gone to the cross and that would have been more than enough but you went farther so we could live free of sickness and I for one plan to receive all of the healing that you have for me and everyone around me. Love you God.
What God Said Tonight:
Wait on the moment of clarification, wait on me. I have more for you. I have more knowledge and more understanding. I have more wisdom for you but wait on it. Wait on me. You have learned so much in a short amount of time, relatively speaking. I have so much more to teach you and show you. Wait on me.
Your life is full right now, using the knowledge and wisdom you have received. Your faith is growing daily. You are coming to trust my promises in a whole new way and at a whole new level and that is all good. That is what I had planned for. There is this new season coming where what you know now will not be enough. There is this new season where the faith you have now will not be enough. There will be this new season that will require a new level of trust. What you have learned will help you in the new season but you will need more.
Don't rush this new season. Wait on me. It will come at the right and appointed time. In the meantime, keep at what you are doing.
Expect the promises I have given you, in healing and in everything else. Expect me to show up every time and I will. I will never leave you and I do not lie. You can count on me and you can expect me to come through.
I love you daughter. Peace, be still and wait on me.
My prayer:
Hi God! I am a bit early tonight but I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more than talk with you, so here I am! God, life has been so serious lately. Tonight can we just hang out and talk? I don't ever want to be disrespectful, I love and respect you beyond measure. But, I also love it when we spend time together laughing, celebrating and having fun!
Life is so amazing right now. Sometimes I worry that it will stop, your miracles, your opportunities to minister, the blog...all of it. It is all so good, I just want it to keep going forever. But, even as I say that, I know me and as much as I love what you are doing right now, I always want the new thing too. I guess what I really want is to be able to be a part of what you are doing forever. Since you have promised me an eternity with you, I guess I don't have to worry about that.
God, will you always let me be a part of what you are doing? Since you can use anyone, will you always use me? I hope so.
Huh, here I started out saying I wasn't going to get serious tonight but that all sounded pretty serious. There is so much joy in living with you God. There is struggle and tests too, but there is SO MUCH JOY! I am happy to be your kid God. I am happy to be your hands and feet whenever you need me. I am happy to be yours.
What God Said Tonight:
I am happy you are mine too. I am happy that I am yours. We will be together forever. I will always have assignments for you. Sometimes the assignment may be to rest and let me take care of things but I will always have assignments for you. I know what you need and what will fulfill you better than you know yourself. As long as you trust me and follow my lead, you will live a full and satisfied life. That is what I want for you.
Don't worry about what you talk to me about. Whatever you want to talk about, I want to hear. When you are joyful, when you are sad, when you are successful, when you fail, when you on top of the world and when you are under a rock, wherever you are at, whatever you are thinking, I want to hear it.
You can't shock me or run me off just by sharing what is on your heart. I don't scare easy. I love you daughter and I want to know every corner of your heart and mind.
Sometimes we will be serious and deep together, sometimes we will laugh and all of it is joy. Even when you cry with me, it will be joy because it gives me the opportunity to heal you and comfort you. It is the opportunity for a praise report that you can use to help others. It is ALL JOY!
I love you and love to laugh with you. I love to cry with you. I love to dance with you and I love to sing with you. I love to be with you. Remember my love for you and let it strengthen you every day. Live in the happiness and joy that I have created for you. You think it is a coincidence that the "Happy Song" just came on your iPod? No coincidence my girl!
Be happy with me :)
My prayer:
Mighty Father God that makes me succeed. You really are amazing God. I continue to be in awe of how you work everything out. Thank you for today and for working everything out that seemed like such a mess. Taking each thing as it comes and dealing with that thing, trusting you to order my steps, it is a pretty fantastic way to live God. Thank you for guiding me always and being a lamp to my feet and light to my path. I will follow your lead always God. I love you and I am so grateful to you God. What is on your mind and heart tonight?
What God Said Tonight:
Freedom is how I want you to live. I want you to live in freedom. Freedom from worry, freedom from fear, freedom from sin. I did not intend for you to live bound up by all of the mess. I intend for you to live free. I intend for you to have the way out of bondage. You have been given that way out. Make sure that you are taking advantage of it in every area of your life.
Search for those parts of your life where you have no control. The areas where you do things you know you shouldn't, where you do things you don't even really want to do. Those are the areas that you are still in bondage.
It is time to be free. It is time for you to fully accept the gift of freedom provided by my sacrifice on the cross. You had access to it from the moment of my sacrifice but you still have to receive it. I love you and it causes me pain to see you bound and living in less than what I have for you. I don't need you to talk about it, not even to me, but I need you to recognize it and I need you to receive the freedom that you know is yours. There is no value in hanging onto the bondage. There is no benefit in bondage. There is great value in living free.
I love you and want you to have every good thing. Receive this good thing and live free tonight.
