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My prayer:
God my God.  Father, I don't know how to pray tonight.  Life is so good right now.  Circumstances are so good.  You have worked everything out and you are prospering me everywhere I go.  You are moving in the lives of the people around me, changing circumstances and prospering them.  It really is amazing and I am so grateful God.  I really am.  But, my feelings, my emotions are definitely not matching the circumstances. 

I know I can't trust my feelings, especially in times like this.  I feel like my feelings, my emotions are on a roller coaster again.  My instinct right now is to withdraw from people mainly because I don't want to be around me, so why would they.  And God, I am frustrated with myself.  This is all stuff I thought I dealt with years ago!  Why am I having trouble with it now again?  What am I missing God?  What am I doing or not doing?  What do I need to change? 

I try to not isolate, to connect with people but it feels so fake right now.  It feels like I am forcing it and it feels so awkward.  I love the people you have put in my life God.  I love the new people you bring to me every day.  Why am I having trouble truly opening up and connecting with them?  I thought I was over that lack of trust.  Is it still related to being hurt a couple of weeks ago?  What do I need to do to let go of that God?  I thought I had but maybe not. 

Ok, I am done whining.  Thank you for putting up with me God.  Thank you for always being there for me.  Thank you for always having the answers.  I love you and I want to be a better person for you.  I want to be the person you created me to be so I can accomplish all that you have for me to do.  I don't want to go backwards God.  I want to go forward into the future you have described.  Please help God.  Thank you.

What God Said Tonight:
Wow, it took you a long time to get to the only words that truly mattered, "please help."  I am your ever present help.  I will always help you daughter, you just have to ask. 

You are struggling with something that seems familiar but that does not mean you are going backward.  Just because you deal with an issue once, doesn't mean that you will not have different layers of it to deal with in the future.  What you are experiencing as isolation right now would have seemed like being very social and connected in the past.  It is just that you have a new level of expectation for yourself.  I have a new level of expectation for you. 

The ministry we are moving into will require that you care more for others than you do for yourself.  It will require that you are more outwardly focused than you have ever been in the past.  This time is uncomfortable but it is preparation.  I need you to be uncomfortable in isolation.  I need you to crave that true connection with others. 

You feel like you are not in my will right now but you are.  I am teaching you a new level of love for my people.  A new level of connection with the children of God.  I need your heart to be so tied to the people in your life that that you cannot be isolated or disconnected.  I need you to have that same loyalty and faithfulness to them that you do to me. 

I love you daughter and I know that you can love.  Your love for me is beautiful and I love it.  It is time to love my people with that same love.  It is time for you to be as dedicated to them as you are to me.  You will always keep me first.  That priority must stay in place always but second needs to be the love for my people.  The love for the people in the kingdom of God. 

You will never again be satisfied with just you and me.  You will always need to have people in your life to love and connect with. 

Don't hate this season, learn from it and trust me.  You will love the other side of it. Trust me as always and I will show you new levels of joy.  I love you daughter now and forever.  Now let's spread that love around a bit more.