Mighty and awesome God. I feel like I am on the very edge of understanding something about you but I don't yet get it completely. The message tonight was amazing and life changing. If I can really get in my heart, my mind, my soul...then this lifelong battle with perfectionism and performance will finally be done!
I know in my head that you love me no matter what. I know in my head that nothing I can do can take your love from me. I know in my head that nothing I can do can earn your love. But I don't act that way.
Truth is, the way that I live is, if I try my best to live a good life for you, follow your instructions, be kind, loving, generous, that you will love me and bless me.
But you tell us that our 'righteousness' is like filthy rags. You tell us, very clearly, that we can never be good enough and that is why you died for us. It is the sick person who was healed, the person who did something horrible who was forgiven, the person with nothing who is provided for...those are the people who have experienced a true move of God in their lives. They are the people who understand your love for them. And, that is the point of your grace and mercy.
You knew we needed it, you gave it, and through that giving, I get to experience first had your love and your power.
It really has nothing to do with me trying to do right. It has everything to do with, when I mess up (which I will whether I want to or not) and humble myself to receive your forgiveness (which I don't deserve), I get to experience your love in a real and powerful way. Which then brings me closer to you.
So, does that mean I should go out and try to mess up since that will give me an opportunity to experience your love? No. But, whether I try to or not, I will mess up eventually. No guilt or condemnation when it happens. Just the blessed assurance that you will be there and you will forgive me and I will experience your love, grace and mercy at a whole new level.
God, I am not sure if I got this all right or if I used the right words but I can feel how VERY IMPORTANT this is. I pray God that you give me the full revelation of this and that you plant it so deep in me that I never forget it.
God, this is the freedom from the control freak, people pleaser, performance based battle that I have fought every day of my life and I want that freedom!
What God Said Tonight:
I would do anything for you. You are so deep into my heart. You are the apple of my eye and the purpose for all that I do. Hear it, believe it, live it and everything else falls into place.
I LOVE YOU completely and with all that I AM.